The Shut-In Gazette #01

As most of you now, I live in Washington State where the first coronavirus (Covid-19) case in the US occurred in March.  Fortunately eleven months ago Karin and I moved from Kirkland to the Olympia area about 70 miles south of the then epicenter in Kirkland.  Since March we have been sheltering in place because we are in that “elderly” class of people in addition to each of us having several “underlying health conditions.”

In light of all this history, I was thinking of a way to report on the pandemic without being snarky or morbid (and believe me that I have plenty to be snarky about!)  As I was trying to go to sleep last night I thought that I should start an ongoing column called the Shut-In Gazette.  Over the past couple of weeks several of you have sent me some very clever items that I will include in this and subsequent columns.  Thanks! and keep them coming!!!

From my friend and former colleague at Seattle Children's Hospital Barb Michieli MAJ US Army Retired:

• I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune.  Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
• I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

• I still haven't decided where to go for Easter – The Living Room or The Bedroom.

• Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.  Wearing pajamas all the time will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

• I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.

• This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat.  It was obvious she thought her cat understood her.  I came into my house and told my dog . . . we laughed a lot.

• Quarantine Day 5:  I went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN.  You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal.  I have no clue how this place is still in business.

• My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

• I'm so excited – it's time to take out the garbage.  What should I wear?

• I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda.  I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.

• Classified Ad:  Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.


• Day 5 of Homeschooling:  My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".  I'm offended.

• Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under!

From our friend Larry Stallard, former CPT US Army and Mohawk Driver in RVN:
"This is what I need instead of our 'traditional Alexa'."

And from our friend George Drago, also a Mohawk Driver in RVN: This is entitled "What Sex Are Computers?"