Click here www.225observer.blogspot.com to see the original version of "The 225th Observer".

Friday, December 25, 2020

Merry Christmas!


 SP5 Gordy Darragh took this photo somewhere over Vietnam in late 1969.  PH13 has been specially modified for the holidays by Tim Darragh.

Our friend Steve Sachs told me that he sort of emulated the photo above when he once didn't get stopped quite in time and wrapped up his Mohawk in barbed wire at the end of the rPhu Hiep runway!

Merry Christmas to all of you who served with honor and distinction so many years ago!

Thursday, November 26, 2020

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!


We have so much to be thankful for this year.  Please have a safe and Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, October 13, 2020

Taking A Break!

I want to let you know that I have decided to take a break from writing on this blog.  My reasoning is because of the last half year of our several national difficulties we have all involuntarily been a part, not the least of which is the isolation caused by the Covid-19 pandemic and the contentious election campaigning that we will continue to experience at least through November 3rd (have you voted yet?).

I am keeping my mailing list up-to-date and I tentatively plan on resuming the “225th Observer” in the New Year.  In the meantime, please stay safe!

Saturday, July 25, 2020

Shut-In Gazette #08

As this COVID-19 pandemic drags on because of a multitude of causes and rationales, we are still hunkered down in our new house in a new community not being able to get to know our new neighbors when we would be normally visiting, having friends over for dinner or watching that marvelous Broadway show “Hamilton” on Disney Plus.  I’m finding it difficult at times to remain positive as the national medical and political ramifications seem to bombard our country on a daily basis.

But let’s continue to plunge on ahead.  As I wait for the future, I periodically remember Eric Idle’s brilliant song from Monty Python’s The Life of Brian, “Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life”, or FDR’s theme song from his successful 1932 presidential campaign “Happy Days Are Here Again.”

In this edition of The Shut-In Gazette I’ve included some airplane stuff, one instructional piece that, hopefully, will help you to look on the sunny side of life and a heat-warming video.


Our friend Larry Haglund sent me this great video clip in May about a true World War II incident.  I had, in fact, read a book entitled A Higher Call about it.  I wrote Larry “Thanks my friend!  I've read Mr. Brown's accounting Adam Makos' book "A Higher Call".  I reviewed it on [this] blog in April 2013 (http://225observer.blogspot.com/2013/04/messerschmitt-109-escorts-b-17.html).  The two pilots and crew of the B-17 met at the Museum of Flight in Seattle several years ago.  The German then lived in Vancouver BC.  I'll rerun the review I did so others can see it too.  Thanks again, and I hope all is well with you and your family!  Stay safe!”
Click on this link to see what Larry sent me.


As you might have seen, British Airways has announced that it is retiring its entire fleet of 747s, and Airbus will also cease to build new A-380s.  For those who have ridden on a Jumbo Jet, this seems like a great re-use of one of these giants.  Large aircraft have been used in the past for fire fighting; there was an episode on the Smithsonian channel episode on Mighty Planes about the Martin Mars firefighting flying boat some months ago.  Here’s a link to Wikipedia about this remarkable 1942 airplane.  Click on the link below that my neighbor sent me about a repurposed 747.


Our friend Roger Kent sent me this educational video that might be of some help to many of us.



My neighbor sent me this and I’m share this with you.  For me remembering this provides a little bit help in my keeping the proper perspective as we slog through the next few months…



And now, also from Roger Kent, for something a little different…and inspiring.


Friday, June 19, 2020

The Shut-In Gazette #07

Well, I'm still here enjoying the bright Northwest sun (not being in the least sarcastic given our often rainy weather up here in Washington State); it's supposed to be in the 80s west of the Cascades and in the 90s on the other side of the state!  We are slowly opening up, but who knows how long the will last.

Anyway, on to more cheerful things...my friend Barb Michieli sent three wonderful items that I'm including this time around...

First is a belated birthday wish for the US Army!

Next is the new look for the Army:

Also from Barb...And most of us are old enough to remember Francis Gary Powers and the U2.  I remember clearly that I was in the 7th grade at Highland Junior High in Mr. Farrell's class when we got the news that he was shot down over the Soviet Union.  I also remember that while we were on the runway at Anderson AFB in Guam on my way to (or maybe coming back from) R&R I looked out my window of the passenger jet we were on and saw a U2 take off literally straight up in to the air.  What a sight!  Click on this link for an article on the Dragon Lady.

I hope all is well with you and yours!  Stay safe!

Thursday, June 11, 2020

DEROS + 18,227

SP5 Darragh in early 1970

My son Tim and me at the  Udvar-Hazy National Air Museum in 2017
That flight-follow mission day began like most other mission days.  Up at zero-dark-thirty, get into my Nomex flight suit, strap on my World War 2 or Korea-era .45 caliber M1911A1 pistol, get some chow and, most importantly, coffee!  Report to the ready room, review the mission and prepare my mission maps.

Then I met my pilot at the revetment.  We did whatever preflight stuff we did in those days and I got into the Mohawk’s right seat.  More pre-takeoff stuff and then off into the wild black yonder (remember that I got up at zero-dark thirty).  As I remember it was a pretty normal flight-follow mission.  I listened for the other aircraft as they called on and off their targets, all the time hoping that each individual mission radioed that they were indeed off each of their low level runs.

The sun had finally come up and it was gonna be another hot and humid day in the Republic of Vietnam.  As we headed southeast towards the South China Sea, I radioed to CPT Larry Stallard, who was piloting another mission, to say goodbye a final time and quote a Bible verse I had memorized since we had met several months earlier.  He and I became friends when he took me under his wing and we had had some Bible study together.  I had learned Philippians chapter 4 verse 13 (“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”) during that time together.

Then my pilot, a Warrant Officer named George Drago, banked our aircraft and we were off to Cam Ranh Bay.  But that wasn’t our destination yet!

You see, when pilots DEROSed from the 225th, they usually left the unit in a Mohawk after they had made a very low pass over the company area.  But I was not a pilot; I had been with the Blackhawks/Phantomhawks since February 1968 and it was now 11 June 1970, so after 28 continuous months with the same outfit I wanted a low pass also!  Mr. Drago knew this so he was going to oblige!

As we headed out over the beautiful multi-shaded azure waters of the South China Sea we climbed to I don’t know how many thousands of feet.  Then, at the top of our climb he dropped the nose and a pad of paper and the maps I had on the dash board just floated in mid-air!  In the wind shield all I could see was the bright blue expanse of the ocean.  Then in the distance our target appeared…a pure white radome.

As the globe began to get really big really fast, Drago began to  pull out of the dive and we zoomed right over the top of the radome, really close, and climbed rapidly climbed again.  I don’t know how many Gs were pressing my body onto that oh-so-comfortable Martin Baker election seat I had been on since the flight began several hours earlier, but it was amazing feeling!  I had gotten my low pass!

Next stop Cam Ranh Air Force Base!  As we got close we were cleared for landing, and we set down on the gigantic 10,000 foot runway and taxied to the base passenger terminal.  I remember that there was a brand new blue and white PanAm 747 in the parking area, and boy did our OV-1 look tiny!

We opened our cockpit doors, got down out of our aircraft, and pulled my luggage out of one of the cargo bays.  We said our goodbyes, I saluted Mr. Drago and off I went to begin processing out of Vietnam.

I was on my way home and out of the Army.  June 11, 1970.  That was fifty years ago today!

Monday, May 25, 2020

The Shut-In Gazette #06

Good Morning Everyone!

Another week has passed and we've mowed our lawns, planted more flowers and watched more TV than should ever be allowed.  And have just about finished another holiday weekend in this awful pandemic.

Please take a moment to remember our friends who gave their lives in the service to their country while serving with us in the 225th Aviation Company in Vietnam.



Our friend Larry Haglund sent me this note a few days ago:  "This is a touching story. I have read of other similar accounts from both sides of the European theater, but first time for this one."  I wrote to him that I had read the book by Adam Makos, "A Higher Call", and posted a review on the 225th Observer in April 2013.  Here's the link to that review: http://225observer.blogspot.com/2013/04/

Saturday, May 16, 2020

The Shut-In Gazette #05

Welcome to another week of our once-in-a-lifetime shared pandemic event...

This week I've linked three military stories that I thought you would enjoy.  Just click on the appropriate links to get to them.

The first is a video story that I found on the BBC online service about the USS Nevada.  (Note there may be a brief Windows commercial at the beginning of the video.) https://www.bbc.com/news/av/world-us-canada-52684890/world-war-two-us-navy-ship-discovered-in-pacific-ocean

Story number two, also from the BBC, is about the Navy's newest aircraft carrier USS Doris Miller (to be commissioned in 2028) and the history of her namesake.  This is an article that you have to read, no video is included.  https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-51168798

Item number three is a wonderful collection of still photos of the  Cascade Warbirds members flying a V-E Day Remembrance Flight on May 8th this year.  Click on one of the still photos to get to the albums.  My friend Barb Michieli sent this to me.  https://www.cascadewarbirds.org/2020/05/07/cascade-warbirds-members-to-fly-in-v-e-day-remembrance-flight/?fbclid=IwAR1Ep8nQMmtUSuK67e34ZdKPuqk3Oc8qcRJAhO9XkAuSxUswv5KXA0h-bmw

Enjoy these and stay safe!

Friday, May 8, 2020

The Shut-In Gazette #04

I'm Bored!  Let's Go Somewhere!

As Karin and I were watching TV last evening it occurred to me that even though we didn’t make our trip to Baja California this spring as had been our habit for the past few years, we had actually been traveling to a lot of other places in this great nation and around the world using our television machine instead of one of those parked 737s.

Where have we gone you ask?  Well, one of our favorite places is to the zoo!  Yes, I said the Zoo.  But not just any zoo, specifically the Bronx Zoo.  Every week we see what goes on behind the scenes and how some of these amazing creations of our Lord’s are cared for everyday.  They even had a show specifically about what has happened during this pandemic around the two tigers and several lions were treated after they were diagnosed with the covid-19 virus.  For a while we have also gone to one of our favorite places, the San Diego Zoo and Safari Park, until we ran out of episodes.

As we continue on our armchair adventure, eventually we end up in Columbus, Ohio, at the famous Columbus Zoo.  Then heading southeast we arrive in the town where my Basic Training Buddy Taylor Davis lives…Tampa.  National Geographic channel has a new series called Secrets of the Zoo: Tampa.  Go north into Georgia and we will see you at the Aquarium in Atlanta (on Animal Planet).

As we continue to travel thousands of miles in our very own and very safe recliners, we have ended up in Cheshire, UK at the Chester Zoo.  Their TV show Secret Life of the Zoo is produced in England and shown on Animal Planet in the US.  This zoo’s mission is to  be a major force in conserving biodiversity worldwide.  It’s a wonder place to stop on the zoo tour.  Then from England we go to Australia and visit Taronga Zoo Sydney (Australia’s largest zoo).  It’s wonderful to see so many people really concerned about conserving wildlife!

Karin and I also like traveling to other places and historical times by sitting in front of our 48” screen.  Some of our favorites are England where we find Call the Midwife, Silent Witness and the brand new Masterpiece series World on Fire.  When you find you have some extra time to just veg in front of the boob tube, check out some of these wonderful shows.

I’ll continue sharing our adventures with you next time in the Shut-In Gazette.

Someone on Facebook posted this great governmental explanation of the next steps in reopening this great country of ours.......
We have a 6 phase plan to reopen the state.
The plan will be a phased plan that we will plan to utilize in phases.
The phases will be planned and the planning will be phased.
We will move quickly and slowly to open but remain closed.
I have created a staff of staffers who will plan the phase and planning while phasing their phases.
And that is our reopening plan.
Thank you.

Our friend Roger (Superman) Kent sent me this wonderful link (below) that relates both to travel and flying.  (My first long trip over the Pacific Ocean [crammed into a very long tube for 17 hours with 200+ other soldiers] certainly was not luxurious like these flying boats were!)

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

The Shut-In Gazette #03

During this pandemic the projects don't seem to end, and that's a good thing!  I've continued to work on finishing our backyard here at our new house.  Yesterday afternoon I went to Home Depot (for about the umpteenth time since we moved in last May) and stood in their version of a Disneyland line for about a half hour to buy some 4"x8" concrete bricks to build a base for an iron arbor-trellis-bench-like-thing to sit on.

Well, of course I was about one brick short, so I had to go back and get another one.  I went early (about 6:15am) to avoid the going to Disneyland again and walked right in.  I got my brick and, after taking a shower in Purell, got back in the car and drove home.  As I turned into the entrance drive to our community I noted some big dogs in the road; I slowed dow and they suddenly became deer instead of Great Danes!  There were seven of them lazily munching on the grass and some of the other ornamental shrubbery.  What a fun sight at 6:45am!  Isn't the Lord great to provide these guys for us to enjoy!


Here are a couple of gems from Barb Michieli with whom I worked at Seattle Children' Hospital...

My Coast Guard friend Dave Pitkin sent this video of "Jimmy Buffett's Take on Coronavirus".  Dave and I met for the first time while I was on R&R in Honolulu in 1969 and we were reunited because of the internet several years ago.
Our friend Roger (Superman) Kent sent this amazing Youtube video of a very large parking lot out in the Mojave Desert.  We have a similar but much smaller one with parked 737-Max airliners in Grant County in Central Washington.  Click on the link and enjoy!

My neighbor Dan Batman periodically feeds me interesting pictures and cartoons.  Here's one that he sent me a few days ago:

Thursday, April 23, 2020

The Shut-In Gazette #02

Well, here we are.  On the verge of another potential stay-at-home extension by our Governor in the State of Washington.  So The Shut-In Gazette is in its second edition for your entertainment pleasure.

Sure, I know you probably have Netflix or Prime Video to fill your time, but set aside a couple of minutes to take a look at the lists and video links below that our friends have sent me to share with you...

Jim Taylor sent this amazing video of a Jeep On Ice:


George Drago sent this of an Emergency Airdrop:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reBhp2sD6GE

Tony Chapa sent this list that is a result of the Covid-19 Recession":

The recession has hit everybody really hard. My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

And, finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

On a more serious note...Barb Michieli sent this about Different Perspectives on the Coronavirus Pandemic:
WE ARE NOT IN THE SAME BOAT

I heard that we are all in the same boat, but it's not like that.  We are in the same storm, but not in the same boat.  Your ship could be shipwrecked and mine might not be.  Or vice versa.

For some, quarantine is optimal.  A moment of reflection, of re-connection, easy in flip flops, with a cocktail or coffee.  For others, this is a desperate financial and family crisis.

For some that live alone they're facing endless loneliness. While for others it is peace, rest and time with their mother, father, sons and daughters.

With the $600 weekly increase in unemployment some are bringing in more money to their households than they were working.  Others are working more hours for less money due to pay cuts or loss in sales.

Some families of 4 just received $3400 from the stimulus while other families of 4 saw $0.

Some were concerned about getting a certain candy for Easter while others were concerned if there would be enough bread, milk and eggs for the weekend.

Some want to go back to work because they don't qualify for unemployment and are running out of money.  Others want to kill those who break the quarantine.

Some are home spending 2-3 hours/day helping their child with online schooling while others are spending 2-3 hours/day to educate their children on top of a 10-12 hour workday.

Some have experienced the near death of the virus, some have already lost someone from it and some are not sure if their loved ones are going to make it.  Others don't believe this is a big deal.

Some have faith in God and expect miracles during this 2020.  Others say the worst is yet to come.

So, friends, we are not in the same boat.  We are going through a time when our perceptions and needs are completely different.

Each of us will emerge, in our own way, from this storm.  It is very important to see beyond what is seen at first glance.  Not just looking, actually seeing.

We are all on different ships during this storm experiencing a very different journey.

~ Author unknown

I received this from Steve Sachs...It's about "Old Glory":
https://raulrubiera.smugmug.com/RaulRubieraPhotography/RRP-Final-Images/2020/Evangelo-Morris-Old-Glory/i-zWkvH7G/A 

Saturday, April 18, 2020

The Shut-In Gazette #01

As most of you now, I live in Washington State where the first coronavirus (Covid-19) case in the US occurred in March.  Fortunately eleven months ago Karin and I moved from Kirkland to the Olympia area about 70 miles south of the then epicenter in Kirkland.  Since March we have been sheltering in place because we are in that “elderly” class of people in addition to each of us having several “underlying health conditions.”

In light of all this history, I was thinking of a way to report on the pandemic without being snarky or morbid (and believe me that I have plenty to be snarky about!)  As I was trying to go to sleep last night I thought that I should start an ongoing column called the Shut-In Gazette.  Over the past couple of weeks several of you have sent me some very clever items that I will include in this and subsequent columns.  Thanks! and keep them coming!!!

From my friend and former colleague at Seattle Children's Hospital Barb Michieli MAJ US Army Retired:

  • I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune.  Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
  • I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

  • I still haven't decided where to go for Easter – The Living Room or The Bedroom.

  • Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.  Wearing pajamas all the time will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

  • I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone.

  • This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat.  It was obvious she thought her cat understood her.  I came into my house and told my dog . . . we laughed a lot.

  • Quarantine Day 5:  I went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN.  You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal.  I have no clue how this place is still in business.

  • My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

  • I'm so excited – it's time to take out the garbage.  What should I wear?

  • I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to Puerto Backyarda.  I'm getting tired of Los Livingroom.

  • Classified Ad:  Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.


  • Day 5 of Homeschooling:  My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".  I'm offended.

  • Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under!

From our friend Larry Stallard, former CPT US Army and Mohawk Driver in RVN:
"This is what I need instead of our 'traditional Alexa'."

And from our friend George Drago, also a Mohawk Driver in RVN: This is entitled "What Sex Are Computers?"

Monday, March 16, 2020

Sunday, March 15, 2020

Army and Air Force Come Together To Serve

As you know, I have been volunteering at the USO at SeaTac Airport for a few years, so when we moved to our new house in Lacey, WA I liked for a USO that was closer to home than driving the nearly 100 miles round trip for a 6am-noon shift.  The manager at SeaTac, LTC Matt Sult (USA Ret.) put me in contact with Christine Vu, the manager at Camp Lewis USO.

Camp Lewis was the first name of what is now Joint Base Lewis McChord (JBLM) and is the location of the Camp Lewis USO which is less than a 25 mile round trip.  I’ve done several shifts there, usually in the morning.  Our customers are different than at SeaTac as they are mostly active duty troops stationed at JBLM.  Those at SeaTac are generally individuals and families on PCS status or retired military who are taking a plane somewhere to get away from the gray skies of Puget Sound.

My neighbor here in Lacey is Ed Logan, a retired USAF Senior Master Sergeant, has also become a USO volunteer; he and I covered the 9am-1pm shift last Monday.  It was a typical day of us checking IDs, directing new troops to the other areas of the facility, Ed making 40+ ham or turkey sandwiches, both of us replenishing supplies for the next shift, and anything else that needed to be done.  

Camp Lewis USO dining room
"Chef" Ed Logan, USAF Ret.
With Coronavirus (COVID-19) emergency, all of USO Northwest’s facilities (at SeaTac, McChord AFB, Ft Lewis and Portland International Airport have closed or on very limited specific schedules.  So Ed and I won’t be volunteering at JBLM in the near future until this emergency runs its course.


Stay safe everyone!  Those of us who are in that vulnerable category (probably that includes the majority of you reading this right now) should be following common sense about hand hygiene and social distancing.  

Tuesday, March 3, 2020

A New Virus...

My friend Byron Cook, who was a colleague at Seattle Children's Hospital some years ago, posted this on his facebook page and I thought it was worth sending out in the Observer.  If nothing else, it might add a little relief in the stressful time we find ourselves in, especially here in the Great Northwest this week.  Be assured that we are taking the virus situation very seriously, but humor is sometimes essential to relieve tension we may be experiencing.

A highly dangerous virus called "Weekly Overload Recreational Killer" (WORK) is currently going around.  If you come in contact with this WORK virus, you should immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center to take antidotes known as "Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE), "Radioactive UnWORK Medicine" (RUM), "Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter" (BEER) or "Vaccine Official Depression Killing Antigen" (VODKA).  Please re-post to raise awareness!!!

Friday, February 21, 2020

Anxiety

The Mayo Clinic describes mental illness on its website as “a wide range of mental health conditions — disorders that affect your mood, thinking and behavior.”  It goes on to enumerate some examples of these disorders as “depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, eating disorders and addictive behaviors.”  (Mayo Clinic reference)

PTSD (Posttraumatic Stress Disorder) isn’t listed in the Mayo list above, but it is also a psychiatric disorder; I have two Vietnam veteran friends who are both still dealing with PTSD after more than half a century after coming home from the war zone.  I am one of those fortunate guys who escaped the long-term ravages of PTSD, but I suffered some minor effects of it right after I got home.

However, in the fall of 1993 I was diagnosed with chronic depression.  I don’t believe that this was due to PTSD but, rather, it’s a hereditary disorder caused by a chemical deficiency in my brain.  This is a very long story that I’ll share with you in the future, but suffice it to say that I had a physician who understood how serious depression was, correct diagnosed it, and prescribed both medication (which I still regularly take each evening) and some cognitive learning strategies which helped me immeasurably.  


In the not-too-far-distant past mental illness was regarded by many to be a condition or disorder that people did not talk about, except with a counsellor or doctor.  It certainly wasn’t’ discussed in a family setting.  We have been involved  in ongoing discussions with our youngest son Tim about his efforts dealing with anxiety.  He has gotten help, and he wrote an article in Medium.com about his own struggle.  He gave me permission to publish it on The 225th Observer because I thought someone out there might find it useful.  It’s below in its entirety.


An Anxious Designer by Tim Darragh

How anxiety has recharged my creativity and career.

I’ve struggled with anxiety my entire life, and working as a designer comes with a unique amount of stress and pressure. Designers are expected to be innovative and creative. We are pressured to work long hours and prioritize work over life. For me, these stresses have sometimes snowballed into anxious thoughts. It wasn’t until recently that I accepted and addressed my anxiety disorder, and it has changed my world view as a designer.

Anxiety is the second most common mental disorder. The NIH estimate that 31.1% of American adults have experienced an anxiety disorder at some point in their lives. Even though most adults experience anxiety, the cruelty of it is how isolated it makes people feel. Anxiety makes you feel under siege by your own thoughts and physical reactions to those thoughts.

Three years ago I accepted a role at a digital agency on the other side of the country. For the past 10 years, I had cut my teeth at agencies and I finally felt like I had “made it”. From day one, I was able to work on some great projects and pitches. I did see one red flag, but I accepted it as my own ignorance of the office and company culture.

As the months passed, my workload slowly increased. I was the only designer in the office that did the role that I was hired for. This made me feel extremely isolated and I found myself having small anxiety attacks while at work. I’d start to hyperventilate, and my stomach would churn. Because of this inadvertent isolation, I was not accepted professionally or personally at work. It was clear to me that the role I was hired for was largely invalid. This was rocket fuel for my anxiety.

Before I knew it, the majority of my work was with teams in other offices, and it was rare that I had any tasks on projects within the office I sat in. This bothered me. I saw work going on around me, yet I wasn’t able to be part of it. The feeling of isolation grew. I found myself feeling hyper observant of my environment and my coworkers. I started to question everything happening around me. What are they all working on? What is that meeting about? Am I missing out? Did I do something wrong? These anxious thoughts became more frequent and eventually manifested themselves as weekly, then daily, anxiety attacks. I was under siege by my own thoughts and physical reactions.

My family has a history of anxiety and depression so I was somewhat familiar with what was happening to me, but I didn’t know what to do about it. Should I see a doctor? What can a doctor do to improve my work environment? Why was this happening to me? What did I do wrong to deserve this? I felt alone, stuck, and in doubt of our decision to move across the country.

I’ve learned the hard way that designers have little to no job stability within agencies. Layoffs are common, and designers are always the first to be let go. The day before my birthday, I was called into a meeting room with my supervisor and an HR person. I was told that my role was no longer going to be a capability that the agency will support. I needed to pack up and leave. Not the best birthday gift, but I can honestly say I was happy about it. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

The next few weeks and months were terrible. Literally the day after I was shown the exit door I started my job hunt. That’s all I did… I was entirely focused on my job search and networking. It was all I thought about. I was determined to land a job ASAP.

What I didn’t know was that I was running on fumes. Over the past three years, I had worked so hard and avoided taking care of my physical and mental self. To top things off, I caught the flu for the first time in a decade. The flu progressed into pneumonia. Depression and anxiety followed. To me every small issue felt like an accelerating disaster in slow motion.

Everything came to a head when our elderly cat had a health scare. I was concerned and frustrated for our cat. I was angry that she was sick at that exact moment. I remember thinking that I honestly wanted her to pass– for her own comfort and mine. Was I a horrible person to think that? What if she passed? Could I make that decision? What if she got better? What if I got a job? What if we had to move again? What if…?

Eventually I realized I needed help. Yes, something is wrong with me. I shouldn’t feel like every small problem was a major issue that I couldn’t handle. I made an appointment with my doctor. I was prescribed medication and group therapy. I had to focus on myself, and I had to work hard to get better.

Group therapy has been eye opening. I’ve learned that anxiety is a natural survival reaction to stressful situations– we all know it as our fight-or-flight response. When our brain kicks into fight-or-flight mode, our bodies start producing cortisol, the same chemical that is coursing through my body when I’m having an anxiety attack. The difference for me is that my body has lost its ability to effectively regulate cortisol. I’ve been fight-or-flighting for years! Through group therapy I’ve felt support and community. Everyone has experienced anxiety at some moment in their life. Anxiety is normal.

I’ve also realized that for the entirety of my adult life, I’ve tied my identity as a designer directly to my self identity. I’ve always been shy, and being a designer is cool. By extension people might think I’m cool. For me, each time I’ve been laid-off has put my self identity into question because my career is sent into flux. I needed to reprogram my brain. Yes, my career just hit another speed bump, but my self value should not be dependent on that. I needed to learn to think practically about my own thoughts and disconnect my own self value with the success of my career. I needed to learn to accept that sometimes work is just work. Yes, I work as a designer, but I am much more than that.

One afternoon, a good friend (and talented web developer) of mine told me that he knows that I have a great technical mind, and that I am much more than just a designer. He said that I could very easily be a web or app developer. This was astonishing to me! I had never thought of myself as anything but a designer. I felt like another weight was lifted off of my shoulders and I finally had some alternative pathways for my creative and career goals.

My struggle with anxiety has helped me to realize that I am larger than the job that I have or the projects I work on. My value comes from my experience. I can direct my career and shape my life in the way I want it to be. I no longer feel cornered by my career or my skills. I feel renewed and excited about what the future holds for my creative career.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever get to the point where I don’t have anxiety and I don’t need medication. Only time will tell. Right now, I’m doing good (which is great). What I’ve learned is to be mindful of how I calculate my self value. Our culture increasingly puts pressure on being creative and unique, and being a designer is in some ways the perfect illustration of that idea. So for me, working as a designer will always be a large part of my life, but now it doesn’t have to be the largest or most important part.

Anxiety coping skills & resources:

  • I shared how I feel and my thoughts with my friends and family.
  • Journaling is a good outlet. It helps me to acknowledge and let go of whatever is bothering me. I prefer writing in a notebook, but there is apps out there like Day One.
  • I use the Headspace App for mindfulness & meditation. There are many other apps such as Calm, Balance, and 10% Happier.
  • Distracting myself is ok. I will watch Netflix or a movie. If I’m well enough, reading a book really helps me. I recently got a library card, and there are tons of free audio books and movies to borrow.
  • Side projects for myself are important. I’m not talking about freelance or side hustles. For instance, this article has been a personal side project. I’m creating this for you and for myself.


Friday, February 14, 2020

Duffle Bag Diaries



Fifty-three years ago this June I met Taylor H. Davis as we began our mutual yet individual journeys through three year careers in Uncle Sam's Army.  The place was North Fort Lewis (now JBLM) and the occasion was BCT (Basic Combat Training), an unbelievably terrible but somehow beneficial eight weeks in our young lives.

Anyway, over the past half-century my fellow BCT bunkmate and I have managed to keep in contact with each other.  Below is an email Taylor recently sent me to share with you all.  Enjoy!

Dear Gordy; 
Your dedication to feeding the fires of friendships over the decades has returned to you a wealth of people who hold you in high regard. Count me among them. I can only imagine the number of friendships you have which have lasted more than 50 years. I have a handful, with you being one of them. 52 years, ol’ chum. 
Gordy, here is my first entry of true Army stories which you can use in your blog. 

Duffle Bag Diaries By Taylor H. Davis Volume 1, Issue 1: 
“The Deceptive Songwriter” 
Winters at Ft. Lee, VA can be harsh. It’s not unusual for everything to be coated in ice. Everything. Total silver thaw. And, yet six pages later in the calendar, summer can be just as extreme. Late August in 1967 found Ft. Lee sweltering in heat with curlicues of heat radiating and pulsating off the streets and sidewalks, and every Quartermaster training class taking extra breaks to either cool off or, in the case of classroom-type training, to try to wake up. The Vietnam War was in full-tilt rage and had to fed with replacement forces continually. The voracious consumption of trained soldiers had Ft. Lee conducting Quartermaster-related training around the clock. “24/7” as they say today. 
One such training program was the 8-week “Stock Control & Accounting” advanced individual trading (AIT) course, and one specific classroom of about 25 trainees, all sitting at desks in the stifling heat, was struggling to concentrate on the droning words of the Specialist 4 Instructor standing on the raised platform above them. Most of the class was able to maintain contact with consciousness and actually learn, while, understandably, there were those few, predictable, bobbing and drooping heads. One individual in that group of mostly conscripted sufferers, however, didn’t seem to be affected a whit by the choking heat or the monotonous delivery of the Instructor. This trainee’s attention was riveted on the 
page he was writing on. It was like he was on his own island, as he seemed totally apart from the activities of the rest of the class. After a while, his nearby classmates took notice of his distracted ambivalence to the course being taught. So, during one of the breaks, out on the sidewalk in front of the aluminum-sided classroom, 3 or 4 of his classmates asked him, “What’s up, man? What are you doing in class? You know if you fail this, they might bounce you down into the Infantry, then straight to Vietnam and then your ass will be cooked for sure!” The unaffected soldier replied, “I’m writing a song. And I think it’s gonna be pretty good”. He beamed when he made that declaration, and it took the rest of the guys off-guard, surprised that he wasn’t ruffled by the possible specter of dying in Vietnam. “Yeah, it’s good. You wanna hear what I’ve written so far?”, he offered. “OK, but hurry. As soon as this cigarette goes out, we’re back in class.” 
He pulled a folded sheet of paper from his back pocket, opened it, and began reading: 
You've long been on the open road. You've been sleepin' in the rain. From the dirt of words and mud of cells Your clothes are dark and stained. 
But the dirty words and the muddy cells Will soon be judged insane. So only stop and rest to yourself And you'll be off again. 
And take off your thirsty boots And stay for a while. Your feet are hot and weary From a dusty mile. 
“That’s it so far. You guys like it?”, he asked. “Yeah, I guess so. Maybe if you play it for us in the barracks, it’ll sound better”, one man offered. Just then, the Instructor stepped to the door and called all the trainees back in the classroom. 
Over the next week, variations of the above scenario repeated themselves, until during one break, the fledgling, doomed-soldier (but-ever-focused) songwriter said his song was complete. “It’s finished”, he said, as he proceeded to read the remaining verses to all: 
And maybe I can make you laugh And maybe I can try. Just lookin' for the evenin' And the mornin' in your eyes. 
Then tell me of the ones you see As far as you could see. Across the plain from field to town A marchin' to be free. 
And of the rusted prison gates That tumble by degree. Like laughin' children one by one They look like you and me. 
So take off your thirsty boots And stay for awhile. Your feet are hot and weary From a dusty mile. 
And maybe I can make you laugh And maybe I can try. Lookin' for the evenin' And the mornin' in your eyes. 
I know you are no stranger Down the crooked rainbow trial. From dancing cliff edge, shattered sills Of slander shackled jails. 
But the melodies drift from below 
As walls are bein' scaled, Yes and all of this and more my friend Your song shall not be failed. 
Then take off your thirsty boots And stay for a while. Your feet are hot and weary From a dusty mile. 
And maybe I can make you laugh And maybe I can try. Just lookin' for the evenin' And the mornin' in your eyes. 
Then take off your thirsty boots And stay for a while. Your feet are hot and weary From a dusty mile. 
And maybe I can make you laugh And maybe I can try. Lookin' for the evenin' And the mornin' in your eyes. 
“I’ll play it for you guys tonight. This time I’ll sing it instead of reading it, and my guitar will make it sound better, too.” 
The prospect of his highly anticipated musical debut that night must have made the remaining, intervening hours of afternoon class drag by for this poor, misdirected soul. But like all things, the class that day did come to an end. And that night, as promised, he sang his lovely song. It was truly beautiful. 
I was there, and I’ll never forget that first impression I had of his gentle artistry. 

2.5 years later, in January 1970, after I’d returned from Vietnam, I was in a Portland, Oregon hippie-type record store, Music Millennium. I picked up a 1965 album by Judy Collins, entitled “Fifth Album”, - flipped it over and I was both shocked and deeply disappointed. There, on Ms. Collins’ album, in my very hands, was a song, “Thirsty Boots”, written by one Eric Anderson, which he’d been performing in Greenwich Village since the early 60’s. It seems that my military colleague, back in 1967, had simply recalled the lyrics from her album, jotted them down over time, and then basked in his hijacked glory as he introduced us to an actually wonderful song. I thank him for that. And for making those sweltering weeks at least tolerable, way back then during those Ft. Lee days, which today, I look upon fondly. 
Here’s the link to “Thirsty Boots” by Judy Collins on You Tube (by the way, I prefer John Denver’s version): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckPMoLH-c2s